Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting by Dr. Laura Markham

Title:

 Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting

Author:

Dr. Laura Markham

Does parents’ emotion affect kid’s emotional development?

How does stopping yelling and starting connecting help in nurturing happy kids?

There is an old saying that goes – “Raising children is the toughest work there is”.

In Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting, Dr. Laura Markham reveals an important message to all parents – “fostering emotional connection with your child creates real and lasting change. When you have that vital connection, you don’t need to threaten, nag, plead, bribe or even punish”.

With the practical step-by-step examples and phrasing that come in handy when raising children age 0 through age 9, Dr. Laura Markham reveals on “how to replenish our spirits so we can give our kids the best of ourselves, not what’s left of ourselves”.

This book approaches parenting from THREE big ideas, which are (1) Regulating Yourself, (2) Fostering Connection, and (3) Coaching, Not Controlling.

Chapter	Title	Sub-titles
Introduction	Secrets of Peaceful Parents	·         PART ONE: Regulating Yourself
1	Peaceful Parents Raise Happy Kids	·         Your No. 1 Responsibility as a Parent ·         Breaking the Cycle: Healing Your Own Wounds ·         How to Manage Your Anger ·         How to Stop Yelling at Your Child ·         When Your Child Melts Down: How to Keep Your Cool ·         You Can Nurture Yourself While Raising Your Child ·         Ten Rules to Raise Terrific Kids ·         PART TWO: Fostering Connection
2	The Essential Ingredient for Peaceful Parents, Happy Kids	·         Why Connection Is the Secret to Happy Parenting ·         Connection as Your Child Grows -       Babies (0-13 months): Wiring The Brain -       Toddlers (13-36 months): Building Secure Attachment -       Preschoolers (3-5 years): Developing Independence -       Elementary Schoolers (6-9 years): Foundation for the Teen Years ·         Connection Basics -       How to Connect More Deeply With Your Child -       How Do You Know When Your Relationship With Your Child Needs Work? -       Connecting With A Difficult Child ·         Action Guides ·         PART THREE: Coaching, Not Controlling
3	Raising a Child Who Can Manage Himself: Emotion Coaching	·         Why Emotion-Coach? ·         Emotional Intelligence as Your Child Grows -       Babies (0-13 months): A Bedrock of Trust -       Toddlers (13-36 months): Unconditional Love -       Preschoolers (3-5 years): Empathy -       Elementary Schoolers (6-9 years): Emotional Self-Awareness ·         Emotion Coaching Basics -       How Children Develop Emotional Intelligence -       Empathy, The Foundation of EQ -       Your Child’s Emotional Backpack -       Understanding Anger -       Meeting Your Child’s Deepest Needs -       EQ Coaching With A Difficult Child ·         Action Guides -       7 Steps to Nurture Emotional Intelligence in Your Child -       Emotion-Coaching Your Child Through A Meltdown -       When Your Child Acts Out But Can’t Cry: Building Safety -       Playing With Your Child: Games for Emotional Intelligence -       Additional Resources: Scripts For Sibling Conflicts
4	Raising a Child Who Wants to Behave	·         The Dirty Little Secret About Discipline and Punishment ·         Guidance as Your Child Grows -       Babies (0-13 months): Empathic Redirection -       Toddlers (13-36 months): Sidestepping Power Struggles -       Preschoolers (3-5 years): Learning Self-Management -       Elementary Schoolers (6-9 years): Developing Positive Habits ·         Setting Limits with Empathy: The Basics -       The Sweet Spot Between Strict and Permissive -       Should You Spank Your Child? -       Is Yelling The New Spanking? -       Transform Your Time-Outs to Time-Ins -       The Truth About Consequences -       Does Positive Parenting Work With A Difficult Child? ·         Action Guides -       How to Set Empathic Limits -       How to Help Kids Who Test The Limits -       Wean Yourself Off Consequences: 12 Terrific Alternatives -       How to Intervene In The Heat of the Moment -       Empowering Kids to Make Amends With The Three Rs: Reflection, Repair, and Responsibility -       Preventive Maintenance -       What If Your Child Crosses The Line? -       Additional Resources: Scripts
5	Raising a Child Who Achieves with Joy and Self-Esteem	·         What is Mastery Coaching? ·         Building Mastery as Your Child Grows -       Babies (0-13 months): The Budding Scientist -       Toddlers (13-36 months): Do It Myself: Developing Response-Ability -       Preschoolers (3-5 years): Self-MASTERY Through Problem Solving -       Elementary Schoolers (6-9 years): EXPLORING Passions ·         Mastery Basics -       Encouraging Mastery -       How Kids Develop Resilience -       Giving Constructive Feedback -       How to Avoid Helicopter Parenting -       What If You Have a Child Who Doesn’t Develop Mastery Naturally? ·         Action Guides -       Create a No-Blame Household -       Developing Responsibility -       Developing Good Judgment -       Homework Without Tears -       Trust Your Child – and Mother Nature
	Afterword	·         When to Seek Professional Help ·         The Future is in Your Hands

Everyone can be a more peaceful parent.

Providing a loving, compassionate, scream-free, judgment-free household has not just been a gift to my children, but a gift I have given to myself. I have grown by leaps and bounds not just as a parent, but as a person as well. I am so grateful for Dr. Laura Markham, who has been a shining light in my life.

-       Jennifer, mother of four kids, ages 15, 12, 9, and 6.

One generation full of deeply loving parents would change the brain of the next generation, and with that, the world.

-       Charles Raison

It’s All About The Teacher

“When it comes to the quality of a child’s education, it’s all about the teacher.”

In fact, according to an analysis of the world’s top education systems by McKinsey & Company, “Research has shown that of all the controllable factors influencing student achievement, the most important by far is the influence of the classroom teacher.”

An inspiring teacher can turn nothing into something, a negative into a positive. In return, the students talk excitedly about what they learn in class and develop curiosity to learn more about the subject.

In the international stage, the structure of the teaching profession differs from country to country. These countries record top scores year after year in international examinations, putting them in the lead in education quality.

John Merrow, a teacher and education journalist, shares in his book The Influence of Teachers on the importance of the teacher-student relationship and its power to transform individual lives and society as a whole.

Meanwhile, New York Times columnist David Brooks commented, “If I had to summarize the progress we’ve made in education over the last decade, it’s that we’ve moved beyond the illusion that we could restructure our way to a good education system and we’ve finally begun to focus on the core issue: the nature of the relationship between the teacher and the student. People learn from people they love. Anything that enriches the space between a student and a teacher is good. Anything that makes it more frigid is bad…Rigorous instruction has to flow on threads of trust and affection.”

What is Your Parenting Style? (5): Hands-off / Uninvolved Parenting

What are the characteristics of Hands-off / Uninvolved Parenting?

“I have such a headache. Please do the homework on your own or just skip it tonight. After all, it’s been a long day and I know how tired you are.”

Hands-off/uninvolved parenting emphasizes on learning through experience and each person must learn to take care of himself. Hands-off/uninvolved parents give their children the opportunity to learn from mistakes by not sheltering their children. However, sometimes it is difficult to justify whether the hands-off approach is a way to let the children to learn from their own mistakes or let them go about the matter on their own without guidance.

Studies have shown that children growing up in this kind of environment are more likely to develop low self-esteem and noncompliant when it is done in extreme. Children will feel being neglected as hands-off/uninvolved parents will leave them on their own. This can undermine the children’s motivation to do well.

Does the choice you made at that moment make your child happy in the long-term? In five years? In ten years? In twenty years? Does it nurture him into a great person?

Nothing is perfect in this world, especially when it comes to parenting. There is no fix path in the process. Learn to take a little and loose a little as it is an invaluable experience that not only is beneficial to your children but also to your self-development.

Prepare beforehand, learn as you go, evaluate every day.

Which style are you?

• What is Your Parenting Style? (1): An Overview
• What is Your Parenting Style? (2): Permissive Parenting
• What is Your Parenting Style? (3): Authoritarian Parenting
• What is Your Parenting Style? (4): Authoritative Parenting

What is Your Parenting Style? (4): Authoritative Parenting

What are the characteristics of Authoritative Parenting?

“I understand you don’t want to go and I know that feeling of not doing something you don’t want to, but that’s precisely why I want you to go. Sometimes, we have an urge to avoid tough stuff, but it’s important to do things even when they’re hard.”

Authoritative parenting emphasizes on “discipline through rational and issue-oriented strategies in order to promote children’s autonomy while ensuring conformity to group standards” in areas of academic, social emotional and behavioural. Authoritative parents make it clear on the appropriate limits and standards but at the same time, they encourage mutual understanding and forgiveness.

Studies have shown that children growing up in this kind of environment are more likely to develop successful peer relationships, balance between control and independence, social competence, self-assured, high self-esteem, positive self-concept, greater self-worth, lesser rebellion and more successful life.

There is a strong correlation between authoritative parenting and good grades as parents are actively involved in their children’ education with open, give-and-take communication in the family.

Does the choice you made at that moment make your child happy in the long-term? In five years? In ten years? In twenty years? Does it nurture him into a great person?

Nothing is perfect in this world, especially when it comes to parenting. There is no fix path in the process. Learn to take a little and loose a little as it is an invaluable experience that not only is beneficial to your children but also to your self-development.

Prepare beforehand, learn as you go, evaluate every day.

Which style are you?

• What is Your Parenting Style? (1): An Overview
• What is Your Parenting Style? (2): Permissive Parenting
• What is Your Parenting Style? (3): Authoritarian Parenting
• Whatis Your Parenting Style? (5): Hands-off or Uninvolved Parenting